Who out there can honestly, deep down, say that they do not believe in some (perhaps far fetch'd) notion of: love at first sight? That certain type of astounding, paralyzing; breath-taking love which abates us back along the path of maturity (and evolution in general!) that we have worked so hard to stride so far along! The kind of love what fills us with those intoxicating rushes of adrenaline and courage, and denies entrance to all and any semblance of logical thought/ reason. If any of you are saying "I! I do not believe!", then you have clearly never been, to Perù. This is the YOLO shit of the here and the now! "MILLENNIUM TWENTY-ONE, YUH !!!" and this is exactly what we wish to talk about today...
While in Perù, there will be many things you will need to casually look out for (just as any other place in the world). A particular one of these dangers however, is particularly more difficult to identify and defend against than most others. They are called Brichera(s)/ Brichero(s), for male and female predators respectively. There is no known defense against these savage creatures of the night(life), not even protected sex is safe: and that's protected!! Thus: we are here! to inform and educate you on the 'inner-city kitty' so that you may identify the biped fleshling before it gets too strong a grip on your soul, and loudly announce (in the middle of the, surely, crowded room) "No Brichera, I will not come to the room with you! No, not even just for a second! I do not care what you have to show me! Please leave me alone now!" or if you're feeling super ambitious, try this one: "No Brichera, no voy a llegado a la habitación con usted! No, ni siquiera sólo por un segundo! I No me importa lo lo que tienes que me mostrar! Por favor déjeme solos ahora!"
A bank sells opportunities, beer sells good times and a Brichera sells their 'love'. That is what they do. Sometimes they will offer you a variety of 'products', such as: passion, compassion, companionship, guidance, information, management assistance, le sexy time, shopping recommendations, bodyguards* and all sorts of shit you could never even imagine! This isn't even touching the icing on the cake!
You have to understand that you will never get the right/ proper 'products'. There will always be some little thing about the whole gimmick and you will feel bad bringing it up because your 'friend' was such a 'great person' to just 'try and help you out at all'. Fact of the matter is: these demons fester n in the busy city streets of these popular; transient tourist destinations thinking that they are camouflage shit and all that... And to 99.9% of innocent passerby: THEY ARE! They know what they're doing and they hold no remorse for it. They wake up every morning with the conscious intention of ripping you off, so don't get sucked in to their luxurious offers (no pun intended ;-P).
If you ask a Brichera(/o) for something they will be super attentive and imply that they are the go to person for anything you want. For example: if you ask such people where is the best place to party/ where is the best restaraunt/ where can I take a nice day trip et cetera, their response will run along the lines of "I actually know a guy who..." or "If you want, we could go..." or "I know this really nice little place; we could head down there right now..." DON'T GET SUCKED IN. One very important thing to remember is that these people are desperate and they only want you for a couple of reasons (as has been being explained) so PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT reveal any information about yourself such as: where you are staying, your phone number, where you are going to be heading that evening/ day; refrain from revealing absolutely anything at all that may give you up to them and their network (yes they often work in networks as well). They may be extremely sexually attractive and quite possible the nicest person you have met on your long and lonely journey (the difficult part here is distinguishing who is from who is not :( ) but you must treat these people as though they're criminals and you are fearing for your life.
So, they are an awkward; cheap version of a vampire that rules the nights and Qosq'o/ Cusco/ Cuzco, Lima and many other major hubs you will come across, and they know (or pretend to know) everybody and every place around their respective watering hole.
Cheap vampires with a main goal: getting a trophy; just think, without us here at MateMade: your ass would be mounted and drained of blood in no time flat, down in that hot Peruvian sun! Don't thank us yet though, just keep drinking in our little blood-meal of education-
Identifying C*%#..... I mean, Blood-Sucking Vampires, while living it up in the one country that truly does it right. ~Viva El Perù~. See below:
Brichero
Appearance
- 'Abandoned' hair with some type of rasta-string or other ornamental doo-hickey hanging about the area.
- Outdoor adventure clothes/ something commonly seen in the local market stalls (often poorly washed); if they are really 'cleaned up' then they will likely be sporting black or white undershirts.
- Often rocking sport-caps (45° position is all the rage) of teams they may or may not know (often times they can be caught not even knowing what sport the team plays!)
Brichera
Appearance
- Shiny, straight hair, with some extra color (most commonly red) thanks to L'Oreal or mud.
- Typically a black and red outfit.
- Blouse with plunging neckline.
- Very tight jeans with no pockets.
- Extremely attractive (NOT LIMITED TO QUALITY FEATURES! Be on the lookout for Bricheras who are all sorts of lookings!)
- Common feature is extreme make-up with 'Barney-Purple' and 'Red-Slut' colors.
Behavior /Attributes
(The behavioral model is universally applicable)
- They know at least five words of ALL of the most common languages which pass through the area.
- They work in tourist agencies, restaurants, hostels or just do not work.
- They be packin' shit-tonnes of FDT's (free drink tickets), as this is their currency!
- They call attention to themselves by screaming or dancing very erratically.
- Rum and Coke is what they will be drinking.. If they've just made a FDTr (Free Drink Transaction) and Mojito, Scotch or Vodka if someone else is paying.
Their intentions: drink for free, get laid (these two are understandable, really-), get a Visa. The type of Visa which allows them out of Perù, and into.. God only knows where; they achieve this by A) getting pregnant B) enlightening upon you a 'visionary' new business opportunity C) getting you to fall in love with them and actually pay to put them through the entire proper procedure to attain one!! Hah! Trust me my friends, it is a love that will be sorely short lived. Just look at how these people have survived their entire lives so far: deception, manipulation, lying, cheating, stealing et cetera. Psychologically speaking, they are now wired to continue down that same path, no matter where we put them; no matter what we tell them or what they tell us.
So go have a blast and love life like you only can in this magical country what knows no equal! Don't let us scare you from getting out there and meeting people either! We just want you to be aware that there are people like this and inform you that they happen to thrive in popular tourist destinations such as Lima, Arequipa and (especially) Qosq'o. We only ask that you keep these things in the back of your mind when dealing with suspicious persons; also spread the word to your friends and loved ones! Now go have a blast eh!
!!!!!!!!! VIVA EL PERÙ !!!!!!!!!
